I lived in Scotland for three years and there are a number of things I liked about living there (I'll get to those later), and a few things that I really didn't like about Scotland (later, still), but there are also a number of things I missed about living in America... Funny, many of these I never noticed until they were gone...

Butterfingers

I'm not a big candy bar nut, but I did miss America's #1 candy bar. One of the first things I noticed about the Scottish culture is their preoccupation with all sorts of candies. In fact, I think there is a greater variety of candy bars there than in America, yet there's nothing like a Butterfinger there! Most Scots that have tried Butterfingers (that I brought back from the U.S.) thought they were great, so I don't think it's a cultural taste bias...

Root beer

You can find Ginger Beer, but it's not the same! This one is a cultural taste bias, I think, because all the Scots I talked to who had tried root beer thought it tasted awful... But hey, they like to drink shandies... a concoction of lager beer and a lemon flavored soft drink!

Iced tea

It's such a simple thing, one would think. I'll never forget the look of intense bewilderment from the waitress the first (and only) time I ordered iced tea in a restaurant in Scotland. "What's that?" she asked. "It's tea... in a glass... with ice..." I replied. When she returned with a glass full to the brim with steaming hot tea and the last sliver of a melting ice cube barely visible... I knew it was a concept that I would never get across.

Bluebell ice cream

They only have that soft serve stuff that is closer to Cool Whip than ice cream - and certainly not the variety of flavors that you'll find in your typical HEB. If you get really desperate you can drive to the next town, take the train in to Glasgow, and walk about 6 blocks through the freezing rain to go to Baskin Robbins and, at least, get real ice cream.

Mexican food

OK. You can find Mexican, but it just doesn't taste the same - it's what I call Scotch-mex. There is one place in Glasgow called Cantina Del Rey that has a pretty decent fajita (tequila and triple-sec marinade), but the condiments leave a bit to be desired. There is also a place in Edinburgh called Viva Mexico that does a decent imitation of interior Mexican. There are certainly a few others around, but none of them know how to make a decent pico de gallo. It's very difficult to find decent spices to make your own... unless you really think Old El Paso taste like the genuine article.

French dressing

They have French dressing there... only it's Italian... The familiar orange, tomato based dressing that we know and love as French or Catalina is not available. One assumes that this is to avoid product confusion. I haven't found an equivalent for what Americans call French dressing - most other products seem to have some basic equivalent.

Radio

What can I say? Weak. Only a few stations and none of them ever heard of a format. You can listen to the Polka Twins, JS Bach, and Ozzy Osborne all in the same 15 minutes... but most of the material is either top 40 or talk radio. BBC radio has done wonders for my CD collection!

Racquetball

I played squash some while I was there, but it's just not the same...

Mountain biking

Sure, I still rode, but I never did find a trail that is challenging the way the Austin trails are challenging. Most mountain bikers there live for the mountain climb... which was always my least favorite kind of ride, though I admit that is apparently what the bike was designed for... I like to rock and roll, with a little bit of mountain climbing and river wading thrown in for good measure. Furthermore, the mountains were quite a ways away, so you had to drive a good piece to get a decent ride. It would turn into an all day affair. While I was in Scotland I traded in my piranhas (knobby tires) for slicks since most of my rides were on smooth roads.

Late shopping

If it's after 5:30pm and you need something in the U.K. - you don't need it until the morning. The stores all close at 5:30pm except the grocery stores that stay open until around 8:00pm... I missed all night Walmarts and malls open till 10... The spirit of capitalism is alive and well, just not in Europe...

Smoke free zones

Smokers are everywhere. In the malls, in the restaurants, in the grocery stores, everywhere! Non-smoking sections do exist in some restaurants, but they are usually small and surrounded by smoking sections. More often than not, the non-smoking sections will be populated by smokers anyway.

Service

In general, service is not that great anywhere in the U.K. and the consumers just take it. This is one of the biggest culture shocks for Americans going to that country. There were a few random acts of service, but they almost always came from American held companies.

Come as you are

In Austin, there are almost no places you can go that are in the slightest way pretentious. You can wear practically anything practically anywhere. I've even seen signs at a restaurant near the lake that said: "No shirt... No shoes... No problem!" In Scotland it's not uncommon at all to see dress codes. Some of them are traditionally restrictive - "no tie", "no jacket", etc. Some are a bit more esoteric - "no trousers without cuffs" (one in particular that comes to mind). Some are very peculiar, indeed - for instance the pub that would not let me in because my shoes bore the Nike logo and were therefore sneakers! This one really bugged me because (1) the shoes did not look like sneakers (2) nothing else in the dress code seemed to be an issue [I saw some pretty ratty attire enter that establishment] and (3) it was just a pub!!!

Christmas

They have Christmas, of course, but it is a pale imitation of the spirit that we see in the States. Most houses in the U.S. have better light displays than the public displays there. We missed the "trail of lights" in Austin... sure it's commercial... sure it's over the top... but ya gotta love it! Plus the people there just don't seem to have the same spirit as in the U.S.. We found it almost depressing and wouldn't have been able to take it for many years... We did enjoy the Christmas tour of Culzean castle. That was cool!

American sports

American football. Yes it is available over there. About one pro game a week during the season and never a college game. Even more rare are basketball and baseball and you'll never see a volley ball match, or racquetball, or track & field, or many other lesser sports. They do love their cricket... they must, because there is always a game on, though I'm not completely convinced that it's not just the same game...

I also missed American sportsmanship in football. In the U.S. it's very competitive, of course, but in the end, everybody still understands that it's just a game. In Great Britain football often more closely resembles a holy war. Actually, quite often football matches are quite literally holy wars - the protestants versus the catholics. Full scale riots are not an uncommon sight before, during, and after a football match. It's so bad that the police often stage preemptive raids on known "hooligans" (that's the name they have for particularly violent and habitual troublemakers). Known hooligans are forbidden, by law, to attend football matches.

Warm water

In most cases, you can't get warm water out of a tap. You can get bone numbing cold or flesh cooking hot, but they don't mix until they get into the basin. Strangely, this is by design. While there are plenty of sinks with separate hot and cold taps, there are also quite a number of single spigot taps. However, unlike in the U.S. (and the rest of the free world), there, even when the water comes out of a single faucet, the hot and cold streams are kept separate through the spigot so that you get a hot stream and a cold stream. I've asked a number of experts and no one could tell me why this is...

I'm further amazed by the people that use the basins in public restrooms. Since you can't get warm water from the spigots, you have to mix the hot and cold in the basin... I don't even wash from my basins at home where I know that no one has spit, pissed, poured noxious chemicals, or God knows what in them...

Paper hand towels

So you've just managed to wash your hands, in spite of the water being either too hot or too cold... Where are the hand towels? Most public restrooms do not have paper towels, only the blowers. This, I realize, is a very earth-friendly thing to do, however in the winter my hands get chapped and dry. This is evidently a problem for the general public as well because often people just use toilet paper to dry their hands. This has the unfortunate consequence of causing a litter problem in some public restrooms since they do not provide trash bins for this unexpected utilization of paper.

Full size appliances

One of the biggest headaches in Europe is laundry. The washing machines are about half the size of the typical U.S. washer and most of them are side load. This has two unfortunate consequences (1) if you find you left out a sock, you're out of luck and (2) the tumbling action is so aggressive that it takes huge ballasts to hold the machine down, so the drums are smaller and hold less fabrics... Oh yeah, the dryer is smaller too, but at least we had one - though it was out in the garage. Many Europeans don't even have tumble dryers. The cycles are slower, as well. We estimated that laundry took about three times as long as in the U.S.. Miniature appliances are not limited to the laundry. Our refrigerator was about 1/3 the size of our U.S. refrigerator - our trips to the market about twice the frequency... Also smaller are the dish washer, oven and microwave. Of course, the house is quite a bit smaller too, so I guess it all evens out...

Texas sunsets

Scotland has its' share of beautiful skies, but nothing compares to a Texas sunset, especially on the deck of the Oasis with a cold beer and lots of chips and salsa!

"Howdy"

Probably the thing that Europeans hate the most is the thing I miss the most... That ubiquitous "Howdy" that you get from everyone in Texas. Europeans think it's fake and insincere, but I know it's not!

Of course, there were some really good things about living in Scotland. We loved it there - it was our second home and there are a lot of things that I really miss.

Cultural diversity

The country was rich with a number of different cultures, which is probably true of most European countries. And, except for European sentiments about arrogant Americans, there seems to be very little cultural bias...

Castles and other places of cultural significance

Not only the historic sites, but also the ancient architecture of the towns, the churches, city chambers, etc...., but then what would you expect from a country where many of the houses are older than my country. Now that's history!

Rowan Atkinson

A comedian who plays Mr. Bean, Blackadder, and others . Side note: he may actually be English... Mr. Bean is a character that speaks to all cultures equally, though he rarely speaks at all (except to "Teddy").

Really good Indian and Chinese cuisine

The traditional Scottish diet was rather bland so they have infused their culture with foods from other cultures. Indian is clearly the dominant favorite, with people often going out for a "curry" before a night on the town. Still, Chinese is quite popular, too. After Indian and Chinese, the next most popular style is British Fish & Chips. Aside from the obvious fish and the ubiquitous chips, many "chip shops" can deep fry a variety of different foods from chicken, to haggis, to pizza, to Mars candy bars (though I've not actually seen this) There's nothing so healthy as a deep fried pizza - you might as well throw a sponge into the fryer and eat that. Anyway the fish & chips there are really excellent, if not a part of a low fat diet.

Haggis and Neeps

Many Scots haven't even tried haggis... which, to me, is like a Texan who's never tried tamales. In fact, the tamale analogy works pretty well across the boards, when you consider their respective contents. For those of you who don't know what's in a haggis or a tamale, I'll spare you the details. Anyway, I quite like both tamales and haggis, though not together. Haggis is often served with mashed potatoes (tatties) and mashed turnips (neeps). If I had to describe the taste of haggis I would say that it reminded me of a mixture of about half ground beef and half ground liver...

Mini Coopers

A wee sports car and an integral part of the British driving experience. These cars are about as tiny as can be made and seat more people on the inside than one would imagine from the outside. Given the size of most Scottish roads, it's no wonder someone invented a car this size!

A while back, BMW bought out Rover, scrapped all of the other car lines and adopted the Mini. They are now producing a new Mini Cooper that is available in the U.S.. Cool in it's own right, it's not the same...

Roundabouts

An ingenious, effective, and efficient alternative to an intersection. Generally, traffic does not have to stop at a roundabout except during peak times. There are laws that govern the flow of traffic around a roundabout, but more often than not, common sense is the primary protocol - and it seems to work.

The language

The way people talk; the accents, the Scottish words and expressions, etc.; I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it just feels like being in a Sean Connery movie all the time...

Scottish pipe rockers

Traditional bagpipe tunes played by three or more pipers against a contemporary march drum beat. All band members and often portions of the audience are doing a sort-of highland dance thing. Can often be seen in the streets of Glasgow or Edinburgh on a weekend. I like conventional pipes and drum music, as well (Nothing compares to the sounds of "Amazing Grace" played from 100 bagpipes by one of the local bagpipe bands).

Dramatic landscapes

Mountains, rolling hills, green pastures with ancient trees, the old Roman roadbeds, ancient bridges, misty lochs, sea sides, etc.. Some particularly stunning landscapes are Loch Lomond, Glen Coe, Loch Ness, the Clyde Falls, and many, many others. Even more stunning were the hills and falls on the Isle of Skye.

The flora

Flowers, green grass, perennials, heather and other pretty growing things at roundabouts, stop lights, along the roadside, and in people's gardens. Most roads have hedges and often are lined with trees, as well. Beats the heck out of the grays and browns of Austin in the summer.

Architecture

The architecture in Glasgow, Edinburgh, and all over Scotland, in general is breathtaking. Some areas of Glasgow, at night, look like they belong in a Batman movie... Quite often, there are cobbled streets to add to the effect.

The trains

Trains are a fairly popular mode of public transportation in Scotland. It's something that we don't see much of in America, though I remember riding trains as a very young child. It's very relaxing and entertaining - I miss it.

Digital cell phones

Sure; we have digital cell phone in the U.S., but the networks are years behind Europe and there are multiple incompatible formats. I could travel anywhere in Europe with my GSM StarTac and be connected to a GSM network, transmitting and receiving very high fidelity sound at very low power consumption. Most Americans who've talked to me on my cell phone, can't believe it's a mobile phone because of the sound quality. I am always amazed when I forget to charge my StarTac for a couple of days and still have an hour of talk time after 60+ hours of standby...

Lately the U.S. is starting to catch up with GSM... but ask one of these people how they like it and most will complain about the coverage... I'm sure we'll get there eventually...

Lagavulin

I thought I had outgrown a taste for whisky, but then I discovered Lagavulin. It's a peaty tasting, 16 year old Single Islay Malt Whisky. Pretty good stuff, but apparently doesn't suit everyones taste. That's OK, if the whisky in Scotland doesn't win you over, the beer will.

Beer

I know we have beer in the U.S., but there's beer and then there's BEER! The darker brews called "heavy's" are my favorites. There's so many to choose from, and we often experiment, but my favorites are "McEwans 90 Shilling" and a Fraoch heather ale that's brewed just outside Strathaven (where we lived).

Irony of ironies... the most popular beers in Scotland are the imports... Miller and Budweiser. It's like living in Bordeaux and drinking ripple. Ahh... but they put lemonade in their beer, so what do they know about good beer...

OK, so it should be obvious to the casual reader by now, that some of the things I missed about the U.S. were really subtle rants about things I didn't like in Scotland... Here are a few other, less subtle, rants...

Driving

Caveat: Before you read this, let me preface it by saying that most Scots feel exactly the same way, in reverse (they hate driving in the U.S.), so perhaps it's a cultural expectation thing. I should also say that there are some elements of the British driving experience that were great!

The roads are too narrow, often without shoulders - sometimes with vertical shoulders (walls, fences, hedges, and embankments). Many intersections and curves seem to be designed to obscure the vision of oncoming traffic. Roads are poorly marked such that I often found myself well out of my way because some highway turned, but the road didn't and there was no sign to indicate a change in direction. People will park anywhere - at bus stops, in other people's driveways, in leways (passing points on single track roads), and even in the street. There have been a number of times where I had to find alternate routes home because my way was blocked... Where there should be stop signs there are yield markings in the road - this is clearly a license to jump right out in front of unsuspecting traffic. Stoplights on roundabouts are an insane anomaly to an otherwise brilliant invention. The purpose of a roundabout is to keep traffic moving - a traffic light on the roundabout stops traffic - duh? Now I can understand stoplights to gate the flow of traffic onto the roundabout, but once on, drivers should be encouraged to get the heck off! Motorcyclist, it seems, are not required to follow the basic rules of the road and when they are not being just basically rude, they are behaving in a totally insane manner. Also pedestrians seem to have no concern for their own safety. On a typical one hour journey through town, I could usually count on at least a half dozen people stepping out in front of my vehicle - most without ever even casting an obligatory glance in my direction. Even more alarming and disconcerting, it was not uncommon for pedestrians to thrust baby carriages into my path - fortunately, it proved to be a very effective way to get me to stop... I find the drivers there to be incredibly impatient. When I was in a queue to pass a slow moving farm vehicle, people would pass me to advance themselves in the queue. Through it all, where are the police, you might ask? Good question. The biggest precipitant to the roadway anarchy is the fact that there are few police out there to enforce the laws - people just do what they feel like!

Follow-up: Having spent considerable time in China... Scotland seems rather tame, in hind sight...

Rudeness

I've always heard how rude Americans are... and frankly there are some pretty rude Americans. However, as a general rule, I find most Americans to be polite. To me, there certainly seems to be a lot more rude people in Europe than in the U.S.. (As Europeans go, the Scots are the most friendly and polite - the French are pretty much fitting of the stereotype that they have inherited).

People have no line etiquette; they will do everything short of pushing you out of the way to jump in front of you in the 'queue'... actually, I take that back. They sometimes do not stop short of pushing you out of their way. So far, I've been rationalizing this as subtle differences in body language (perhaps the way I position myself is an invitation for people to attempt to occupy those precious few inches between my body and whatever is directly in front of me). I unfortunately struggle with this rationalization when I am in my car and people still struggle for those same few inches, except now at 60 miles per hour or more... and usually on a curve in less than favorable driving conditions. Also, I find it no wonder that there are restaurants that do not welcome children... The children often run amok through the family restaurants, tripping hostesses, bumping tables, and throwing things while their parents have a few quiet drinks at the bar (OK, we have this in the States, as well, but you expect that at a Chuckie Cheese's - not at a Black-eyed Pea).

The smell of fertilizer?

I think it's fertilizer, though it seems to smell about 100 times stronger than natural fertilizer. So strong, in fact, as to singe your nostril hairs from ten miles away (I'm not exaggerating... much).

Medical antiquity

I didn't get a good feeling of confidence when I walked into doctor's offices and hospitals because of the age and upkeep of the facilities and the antique instruments and paraphernalia. There were not many of the sterile plastic consumables, individually "sealed for your protection". Instead there is the reusable dependability of surgical steel... Warm right out of the autoclave. It sometimes reminded me of those old Frankenstein movies... Even the doctor's attitudes tended to err on the side of "don't do anything for a day or two and let's see if it goes away" and "let's just let that infectious abscess run its course". Before we went to Scotland, my oldest daughter fractured her arm. She was fitted with one of those colored fiberglass casts. When it was time for it to come off, they sent us from hospital to hospital because they had never seen one and didn't know how to properly remove it. We kept telling them that ordinary surgical scissors would do the trick. I think they finally had to call a hospital in the U.S. for advice... then they removed it with scissors.

Door locks

This one really bugged me. All entry doors to the houses I've been in, required a skeleton key to lock and unlock (both from the outside and the inside). There were none of the hand bolts that we're used to in America. I was just thankful that I never had to leave the house in a hurry only to find I was locked in and couldn't find my keys...

I didn't particularly like carrying around skeleton keys, either, which seem to be the norm. They tended to poke me and sometimes snag my trousers. The lock mechanisms tended to be less smooth (I was always having to jiggle them) and skeleton key holes were a source of cold air infiltration. I'm not sure why these kinds of locks are still so prevalent.

Individual water tanks

The water pressure is generated from gravity tanks in the attic of most houses. In general, this method is not that effective in generating water pressure and worse than that, the tanks trap dirt and bacteria, keeping them in your water supply indefinitely. I guess it's a good method of distributing the cost of water pressure, rather than putting up large water towers...

We had to empty our tank once because a construction crew had hit a water main, sending about three inches of mud into our tank. After I cleaned it out (something that the neighbors didn't bother to do), I refilled the tank (about 300 gallons). For days the ceiling joists and walls creaked their complaints and I feared for my life at night... my bed was directly beneath the tank!

The media

The media can publish basically anything they want without fear of impunity. Fact checking does not seem to be in their skill set - nor is it even a desirable trait. Politicians, the Royal Family, and general citizens - no one is free from their wrath. They particularly hate Americans and frequently paint America in an unfair light. It's no wonder everyone here thinks that because I'm American I own several guns and must use them to defend myself as I drive through the slums of Austin...

The TV news have a particularly amusing habit of using newspapers as props and possibly as a source of news. It's not uncommon to see a whole segment where two newscasters sit down with a bunch of newspapers (including tabloids) and read out the headlines, summarize the stories, and compare articles between papers... It's almost as if the news is the news... It's also a good way to catch the Page 3 Girls, if you don't feel like picking up a tabloid!